Some Dance To Forget
by hermitopheles
Summary: Some dance to forget, but sometimes it is hard to tell who is leading, and a dream is subject to change depending on who it is that enters it. ShikaNeji - Commission fic.


**A/N:** This was commissioned. I was given the prompt 'Hotel California' by Eagles, along with these guidelines: angst, ShikaNeji in love, and either AU or NV. It's a little too wordy for my liking, but this was written a while ago. I like to think that I've improved somewhat!

* * *

**Some Dance To Forget**

He was crouched down low to the ground, eyes frantically searching for a teammate—looking for_ Neji Hyuuga_—but an odd scent curled its way around him, hiding amidst the slight breeze; Shikamaru's head fell forward as his eyes drooped shut, and the sudden drowsiness was as potent as it was fake. _Genjutsu_, he told himself, but he was already headed towards the ground, grunting in pain when his shoulder took the force of his weight. He thought again of Neji, wondering if he too had fallen, perhaps only metres from him, but darkness moved in to silence his thoughts; if the circumstances had been different, Shikamaru would have welcomed the calm that washed over him.

* * *

Shikamaru sat up gingerly, the ache in his shoulder flaring up to shoot down his side while his thoughts moved in slow motion, lost within the haze still shrouding his mind. The moon was his light, and it shined dully, painting the room in shades of grey. His personal items were neatly arranged on the bedside table, and only now did he take in his surroundings, noting the small bookshelf near the door and the clean sheets beneath him. _An inn or hotel of moderate expense_. Shikamaru reached for the crumpled packet next to his weapons pouch, but there was only a lighter within, how it had been for the past few days. Sighing, he threw it to the side, rubbing at his temple in an effort to banish the fog that thickened rather than waned.

Footsteps approached, drawing near from the outside, and the door quietly slid open; Shikamaru knew who it was before he saw the Hyuuga standing in the doorway, illuminated by the light streaming through the small window. If he were a lesser man, Shikamaru would have been transfixed, but when Neji turned his head to the side, the shadows spreading across his face, Shikamaru found then that he couldn't look away. A minute passed before the scrutiny became awkward, and Neji strode over, quiet and purposeful. The moonlight washed over him before he descended into complete darkness, blocking the window from view, and now Shikamaru could only hear the Hyuuga's approach. He felt the bed dip, and then the light touch of a hand sliding over his knee to rest on his thigh, and he was asked, "How do you feel?"

"I need a cigarette."

Neji chuckled, something the Nara still had to accustom himself to, and he leaned closer, murmuring, "I asked, but they don't sell them here. They probably think that I'm the smoker now..." He pressed his lips to Shikamaru's, and they smiled together; Shikamaru let him take the lead this time, because his head was still fuzzy, and Neji seemed determined to validate that the younger man was in fact okay.

* * *

The Hyuuga clan was rotting from the inside, just like that of the ill-fated Uchiha, but rather than aiming their destruction at the whole of Konoha, they focused on those within—the branch house. They had little to fear from a group that had the key to pain and death written across their brows, forever to be controlled until the ways of old were changed. Hiashi tried, in his own way, but the elders were stubborn, and they held the power of position and the prestige of age.

Shikamaru waited by the main gates, ignoring the chill from the rain that hit down from above and muddied the ground, because Neji asked him to stay. A cigarette hung limply from his mouth, soaked through like his clothes, but he dared not drop it and let another Hyuuga find its remains, sure that they would make the connection and pin the blame on Neji. There was little to gain from loyalty when power came from whom you stole it. He thought of Hinata, too good and kind for such a clan, and remembered the way Kiba and Shino would always crowd around her, protectively. She had made good friends—she would survive.

Neji stumbled out at last, and he was breathing heavily; when his knees gave way, Shikamaru rushed to keep him from falling into the mud, hitching him up against his side and making hand seals faster than he would normally bother. The rain tripled its attack while the wind whipped around them, stinging his eyes, but Neji groaned against his ear—a strangled sound—and so Shikamaru focused on their destination, and on getting the Hyuuga somewhere safe.

* * *

There were puddles of water and mud on the floor, soaking into the floorboards, and their clothes soon fell alongside with a dull thud. Neji was silent as Shikamaru guided him into the shower and held him from behind, waiting for their bodies to heat up and fight away illnesses that laid in wait, watching for an opportunity to strike. They didn't talk about it, because Neji didn't want to and Shikamaru wasn't sure he wanted to know any more than he did just by looking at the older man, but he said what he always did, "Maa, you sure are a handful, Neji," and the Hyuuga laughed softly, less forced than the last time they were like this.

Later, in bed, they repeated another scene, where Neji would climb atop him, claiming that sex helped him to sleep, and Shikamaru would agree with a lazy grin and a bit of a grope, even though they both knew that the Hyuuga would lie awake afterwards with a pained frown as his skull felt like it was being crushed from all sides. It was a moment of relief for the two of them—Neji would be reminded that he was far away from home, and Shikamaru would know that Neji was still there _with_ him, even if they weren't entirely sure why.

* * *

Shikamaru wondered where his logic and rationality had gone, disappearing from the moment he started whatever this was with the Hyuuga. It was more frequent now—Shikamaru waiting for the elders to be done with Neji's torture—and not even he can think of why they are going to such extremes, not when Neji has been acting as the ever dutiful branch member, carrying out the missions they allow him on and holding up the Hyuuga name proudly. Even Hinata looked on—helpless and lost—whenever she saw them together out in the safety of the village, wanting to comfort her cousin but fearing his reaction. Shikamaru would shake his head whenever she approached, _because now was not the time_, but he was left asking himself if that time would ever come, now that Neji spent more and more time clutching at his head in pain.

Neji was climbing through his window this time, and Shikamaru knew that he was upset, even though anyone else would just assume it was anger making his body shake, those who would never bother to make the connection between fury and hurt. Sliding the covers to the side, he asked him, "How do you want it?", because that was what Neji needed right now—someone to force it all away, not the gentle comforting he would only get elsewhere.

"I just want to forget."

Shikamaru moved to do just that, driving Neji out of his mind with the sort of determination and perseverance that he usually refused to show out on the field unless it was absolutely necessary—perhaps this _was_ necessary. Neji was gritting his teeth, and he was so wound up and tense in his arms, but Shikamaru only tried harder—tried everything—and soon the Hyuuga's back was arching while his mouth dropped open. He was groaning, spreading himself wider as Shikamaru put more and more effort into fucking him than he ever had in anything. He chuckled, wondering what Asuma would think of this sudden 'fighting spirit', but that brought along feelings that he didn't want to address right now, not when he had someone else's problems to deal with. Neji asked him, barely managing to string the words together, "What's so funny?", but Shikamaru simply shook his head and increased his assault, because really, the Hyuuga shouldn't be even able to _think_ right now.

He closed his eyes and welcomed the way his thoughts were drowned out by the pleasure, and the words slipped out unbidden. He faltered for a second before picking the rhythm back up without a hitch, because Neji was focusing elsewhere, unable to hear anything but the rush of blood in his ears. Shikamaru pretended that it didn't happen, though when they laid panting as their skin cools and their lungs struggled to pull in air, his logic stepped up to ruin his plans. _Him not hearing it doesn't make it untrue._ Shoving the thought away, he pulled Neji towards him and into his arms, and Shikamaru fell asleep thinking—ridiculously—that it would okay not to wake up in the morning now that he had _almost_ all that he wanted.

* * *

He awoke to find Neji leaning against the headboard, watching him with a slight frown, like he didn't know what to think of the younger man. Neji opened his mouth to speak, and Shikamaru knew that whatever it was would be so important that it would destroy every denial he held inside, so he surged up to kiss him, moving his hands across smooth skin and distracting him enough until the words returned to where they came from. He was moving against him, and the Hyuuga was so beautiful and graceful, but was still a _man_—it hadn't bothered him until this arrangement became more than just inexperienced kisses and fumbling gropes. Shikamaru had a plan—to get married to a woman that was neither too ugly nor too pretty, and have two children, a girl and a boy—but now that plan was adding Neji to the equation and erasing the wife.

Shikamaru watched intently as Neji fell apart beneath him, and he followed soon after, clenching his eyes shut, but when he opened them again, he saw something in the way Neji was looking up at him—noticed how he didn't slide out from under him right away; instead he felt the Hyuuga's hand slide down his spine, gentle like a caress and every bit as potent as a hit to the chest. Shikamaru should be saying that it's over, that he can't see him anymore, but what came out was, "I love you," and the words sounded more than pathetic to his inner cynic, but the deepened flush on Neji's face somewhat makes it worth the inner humiliation. He didn't reply—couldn't speak—but Neji kissed back when Shikamaru leaned down, saying the words with his body, and they moved together again; Shikamaru couldn't stop thinking that they really should be showering right now, or getting up to do something productive—he never thought he would think such a thing—but what Lee would call 'youthful feelings of love' had them wasting the day away in bed.

* * *

It was still raining, the sky overtaken by dark clouds that threatened to storm down, and the sun had been in hiding for so long that Shikamaru wasn't sure what the time is. Children ran past under the window, their mother yelling out after them, and he smiled to himself, but then Neji was standing behind him, all awkward and silent. When the Hyuuga forced out, a little disjointedly, "I love you too, Shikamaru," the younger man was left floundering, because now it was _real_, and he didn't know how to predict the outcome of this. Asuma came to mind—how he had never imagined that his sensei would die, and how easy it was to lose the people you loved—and Shikamaru wasn't sure if he could do this.

He faked nonchalance, reverting to the Shikamaru Nara that everyone else knew, and said, "I gotta go," dismissing Neji just like that and telling himself that it's for the best, even if the Hyuuga looked like he would break. But when he saw the emotions flit across Neji's face without a filter—anger, confusion and distress—and the way he struggled to compose himself; _this_ was something Shikamaru could predict, and nothing good would come out of it. Neji was remembering how he had felt when he learnt that his father had died for the clan—that everything he had believed in had been a lie—and the Nara knew this because he had heard Neji's nightmares over the many months, piecing it all together.

Grasping him by the shoulders, Shikamaru led him to a chair, and he really had to force the Hyuuga down as he began to struggle, because he needed to fix this before Neji did something stupid, all because _he_ was stupid.

"I'm sorry—I didn't mean that. Well, I did—" Neji's face twisted further. "—but not for the right reasons."

He then explained it all, and Neji only became more incensed, because it wasn't as though he never worried about what was happening and where it would lead. He punched the Nara before he could stop to think, and he fell down with him to apologise, even if it sounded hollow to the both of them, because Neji meant what he did and Shikamaru knew that he had deserved it. Shikamaru felt along his cheek, wincing at the painful throb and the swelling that would soon begin to show, but he snorted before breaking out into a laugh.

"You're not going to hurt me every time I'm insensitive, are you? If so, we're gonna have to put Ino or Sakura on call..."

Neji stood with a sigh, dusting himself off and folding his arms across his chest. He watched with an amused smile as Shikamaru sprawled out on the floor and struggled to light a cigarette, before leaning up on his elbows to scowl at him, smoke dangling from his lips.

"Dammit, Neji, that hurt. I deserved it, but still... Help me up."

* * *

They were in bed again, and Neji was wondering if this was where they would always end up after a fight. Shikamaru was surrounded by a haze of smoke, the ashtray on the bedside table almost full, and he was beginning to drift off again when the Hyuuga cut in, his voice quiet but serious.

"They think I'm seeing a woman... Possibly Tenten. But they shouldn't have a problem with you, since you can't..."

Shikamaru's eyes slid back open, and he hummed in the back of the throat, placing his hand on Neji's thigh and squeezing gently. He kept his voice and reply casual, in contrast to the heavy subject.

"Knock you up? Get knocked up? It's not like I haven't been trying, y'know."

He paused before continuing, though this time he expressed his real concern, that it might not be as simple as they hoped.

"I don't think it will be that easy, Neji, but I'll be here if you need it."

Neji covered Shikamaru's hand with his own, entwining their fingers and leaning against him, and he murmured, "I know..." He meant it on both counts, and Shikamaru felt the drowsiness rise up again before he closed his eyes and sank back against the pillow. Neji heard a mumbled, "Just don't hit me again...", and he went to apologise—again—but Shikamaru had already fallen asleep, his chin pressed to his chest.

* * *

Shikamaru was waiting outside the Hyuuga gates again, smoke in hand and his head tilted back as he watched the clouds stretch across the sky. Neji appeared at his side, and Shikamaru remembered a time when the Hyuuga's face would be wet with tears and twisted in pain, but this time he was smiling and saying something about _Hinata_ and _a new direction for the Hyuuga_. Shikamaru yawned, purely for show, but he wrapped an arm around Neji and guided him away from the compound, drawling, "I won't be happy until they let me marry you. Neji Nara, yeah?"

Neji snorted, but he didn't say no, and that was close enough to a yes as far as Shikamaru was concerned. He would have his dream, even if his 'wife' exceeded all expectations, and the kids came from different means than initially planned.

**END**


End file.
